just being

this has been a weird month for me.  i am struggling with my daily and weekly schedule.  a part of me feels so incapable of the responsibilities i have been given.  how in the world am i supposed to get all of this stuff done?  the answer is that i can't do it all.  as enzo has entered a new stage of less naps and more activity and the garden is requiring more time to manage and the shoppe has given me new things to work on, it would be crazy to think things wouldn't need to change.  it doesn't bother me that things are flexing.  everything has its season.  enzo will nap less but we will get to see him learn and grow and his schedule will become more reliable.  i will feed my creative side with more gardening and less crafting (and feed my family with lots of yumminess).  the shoppe has been refreshing and exciting.

the problem is this strong sense of anxiety and inadequacy.  its like all of a sudden i not only can't do some things, but i can't do anything. what is up with that?  i am completely drained by this defeated attitude.  i think i need to stop doing and start being.  i am in need of rest.  not the kind where i take a vacation and kick up my feet by a pool (umm, but that would be nice.).  but the kind where i stop trying to take the lead.  where i stop trying to make a bunch of plans.  where i stop depending on myself.

my prayer is that i would rest in my place as a child of God. that i would just be His daughter.

where is He leading that i can follow? 

what are His plans that i can join? 

how can i depend on Him?

so i want to say i will be finding a new rhythm soon.  one that works with my limitations, abilities, weaknesses, and strengths.  but finding is another way of doing.  so instead i will (try to) step back and get out of His way.  i am pretty sure God has amazing things to show me.

are you following His path? or finding your own?  let's encourage each other in just being.