san francisco with sonya (day 1)

long story short - my girlfriend sonya asked if i would consider joining her for a long weekend in san francisco.  my husband jesse gave me an unexpected and generous green light on the trip.  it was basically the most amazing mother's day gift.  i had never been to california and sf is one of those dream destinations.  not only was getting that extended vacation from mamahood much needed (and i don't use that word lightly), but it was so life-giving to be with an old bestie.

while i am a total country girl at heart, boy is it exciting to be in a city like this.  we packed our days with so much touristy goodness.
and i decided i could hang off the side of a cable car ALL DAY LONG.

i am joining the nester and will be blogging every single day in october! 

full list of posts here.

grief, revisited

 

it is with heavy hurting hearts that we share the loss of our little hart.

we know it will take time to heal.

 it is, not surprisingly, any easier the second time around.

the pain is less sharp, however, and more up a deep ache.

this baby was so deeply loved in the short time we had together here.
 oh the sweet promise of being reunited one day.
 

thank you for your prayers and support as we grieve.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Psalm 147:3

i miss blogging

here's to hoping i can hang out here a bit more.
(here as in the blog.  but the route 66 diner pictured above is pretty cool too.)
 

because, after six years, blogging is a hard habit to break.

the last two months have been crazy full and i am eager to finally sort through the photos documenting it all.

but i am also a little hesitant.

in this walk as mama to a sweet boy with aspergers and severe anxiety, i tend to shy away from sharing the super messy. mostly for his privacy, but also because my heart is usually unsettled.

i haven't fully embraced this role. 

my expectations and hopes for our life haven't fully realigned with this reality. 

i get angry. a lot.

i am sad. most of the time. 

but i love him fiercely and pray for God to give me supernatural peace and comfort.

today and tomorrow and the next day.

here's to finding the a balance.
(which might mean photo-only-posts when i can't find the words at the end of a day.)
 (and i think that is just fine.  heather told me so.)
 
so friends, what have you been up to lately?

xoxo,
annalea

it's my birthday

 

hello loves.

i am exhausted and my pillow is calling all sirenesque for my head.  but i've been missing y'all and it is my birthday and i want to say hello.  so i am.

so 34 is here and i have noticeably gray hair (which i actually adore) and we live in new mexico.  so there's that.  this year has been a doozy.

"God will take you where you haven't intended to go, in order to produce in you what you couldn't achieve on your own."

we had the privilege of hearing paul tripp and timothy lane speak earlier this month at a conference.  pretty fantastic it was.  and mr. tripp spoke those words and woke me up.  i have been a bit of a cranky toddler lately.  i just don't wanna and such, when it comes to living here and missing our old life.  so i am keeping his words in mind and trying to give thanks for the fruit to come. 

this is my after homeschool group 4 o'clock margarita that joined me on the couch after a long, good, work-filled day.  it was oh so wonderfully left over from an oh so lovely baby shower i co-hosted last night for an oh so amazing friend.  also, these cactus glasses were a wedding shower gift 13 years ago and they kind of fabulously work here in the southwest, don't ya think?

and i asked for trees for my birthday.  meet my meyer lemon beauty.  the house has an intoxicating jasmine-like scent due to her blooms.  who knew emon trees smelled like that?  i also am proud owner to a mexican lime tree.  a doubly happy gift.

and we sipped sparkling lemonade and ate red velvet cupcakes tonight.  so thankful for new friends who made it that much easier (and sweeter) to celebrate by providing the goodies.

here is to a new year in a year already full of so much new.  

i don't really feel like being any more contemplative than that.

thanks for understanding.

xoxo,

annalea

returning to my roots

hello blog.

can we get reacquainted this month?

i think i'd like to come back. not for pins or stats, but because i began this project five and a half years ago as a personal documentation of life as annalea.  in my own words...

my hope is that our family and friends will be able to experience life with us. i want you all to hear the funny stories, to see the sweet smiles, and to laugh at my frequent failures. i also love the opportunity to reflect on being a mama. i don't want this time in my life to fly by without taking a moment to pause. i won't get it all, but one day in the future i want to look back at this record of my life and remember that between the diaper changes, feedings, and temper tantrums, my children were shaping me just as much as we were praying to shape them.

the focus has shifted to be less mama-focused. that is okay. those early parenting years can be all consuming. but my life is not only about being their mama and blogging helped me see that more clearly. i latched onto the tag line: joy choosing, beauty finding, story telling. oh does that so perfectly describe my heart.

but it was that perceived pressure to grow an audience, write on a schedule, and all that jazz that weighed me down. i'd like to return to my roots and blog just because. more of a journal and less of a professional platform. there are some fantastic blogs out there that handle that just fine. i read them. i love them. but i don't want to be one. that is not where i need to be right now.

so where am i?

as pictured above. . .

i am learning how to parent an autistic son. it is full of joy and heartache. and it often requires laughter at unexpected challenges.

i am turning to craft-therapy when life is overwhelming. i am thankful for the gift of creativity from the Creator.

i am dealing with month long illness, passing from one of us to the next. right now, i am curled up on the couch with flu-ishness. yuck.

i am working on making this new-to-us rental house a home. gia's sweet space is complete and it makes me smile.  

i am taking on a new job that required me to fly away for training last week. a sweet benefit was meeting in person lovely blog friends, heather and kate. our nearly 6 hour conversation helped me find my voice again. love you ladies!

i am sipping lots of cups o' comfort.  ginger-honey-lemon is my current fave to help the sore throat and a heavy heart.  my prayer is He would be made greater in all of our struggles.

for those of you have stuck out the past nine months with me, thank you.

xoxo,

annalea

last day in this apartment

today i am celebrating the successful hunt for a more permanent residence.  we move to our new rental house tomorrow!  just 3 weeks after signing the short term lease on this apartment, we are packing up and heading out once again.  thankfully this time we are just moving across the city, rather than across the country. 

 

i have been pretty miserable here.  most of it my own doing, considering i chose the bad attitude.  but all the same, after spending our first two nights as apartment dwellers staying at two different hotels due to a crazy intense carpenter ant infestation, saying things started off poorly is an understatement.  add to that, moving in to an unfinished unit that is not what you paid for, while listening to maintenance work for an entire week on the vacant unit above and you have one cranky me. 

 

about 98% of the boxes that made it into this place remain stacked up in the hallways, closets, and around my bed, so there is not too much prep needed to skedaddle on short notice.  it will all be worth it, when i can actually settle in and find our new daily rhythm.  man, have i missed that rhythm.

these photos are evidence (and my confession) that these kiddos have spent way too much time watching television this month.  oh to have a backyard again!  and indoor space for lego building, doll playing, costume wearing and a little room to stretch out.  can i get an amen?

olé!

this mama had a night out!

it was oh so good to spend an evening with great friends and my jesse.

yummy mexican food, karaoke, and laughing so hard we were almost sick.

when you get the party invitation 8 months in advance, you know it will be quite the gathering.

for someone who rarely leaves the house these days sans littles, it was a sweet treat.

two margaritas later and i could barely keep my eyes open on the drive home.

(no worries, jesse was driving!)

thanks mom for giving us a little time away.
and for letting us get home after midnight.

olé!

one more thing for may (and a vlog)

thanks to my lil' sidekick for helping out with that vlog.

here are details in written form. . .

yesterday i posted some of the expected for the coming month.

(i stress expected, because life is chock full of unexpected, no?)

well, i left one thing out.

in the coming weeks, you'll be seeing new words in that header up there.

i am changing the blog name!

when i transitioned from our hartbeat (the original blog name), annalea hart was a place holder.

at the time i just knew our hartbeat had run its course and with the domain change, a new name was needed, but i was stumped.  this last year was unexpectedly full. (see, there is that word again.)  creativity ran dry when it came to a new name and, frankly, i was not too concerned with it.  but having a self-titled blog is a bit awkward at times and i have been hoping inspiration would strike all on its own.

and last week it did.
so.stinkin.excited.

be on the lookout for the new name.

i won't give a firm date on it until i am closer to a reveal.

questions for you:

if you blog, how did you choose the name?

did it come to you easily or was it a process?

do you feel it still reflects you and your focus?

have you ever changed a blog name?  if so, why?

a move, an award, and an upcoming birthday

Christian and Cameron, April 2010

today, my brothers move across the country.  since i am not at all ready to confront the reality of not seeing them until christmas, let's change the subject, k?

(but if anyone wants to fly me to washington, just let me know.)

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the fun folks at houzz have awarded the above photo a best of 2012 title. this design award is given to the most popular images among the 1.2 million users on houzz.  that is kinda cool. :)

(and we were recently featured in one of their recent ideabooks.)

Browse Outdoor Products on Houzz- For Example:

Firepits · Gazebos · Greenhouses · Irrigation Equipment · Garden Sculptures · Holiday Outdoor Decorations · Outdoor Planters · Swimming Pools And Spas ·

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oh yeah.

my birthday is sunday.
i am feeling decidedly unbirthday-ish this year, which is so unusual.  there is a whole lot more i could say. . .

. . .life is just so heavy right now.  even in the easier moments, there is a weight on our days.  the what if factor.  this makes it hard to celebrate.

today, i am holding tight to the "it will get better".  to those parents who have walked the road ahead of us  - i thank you for that encouragement.

please pray for perseverance and wisdom with these kiddos.
a joyful and peaceful weekend to you, my friends.
xoxo,
annalea

p.s. i'd reeeeeeaaaallllly like to see the hunger games movie this weekend, but that probably won't happen, so maybe i'll just reread the books (it has been almost a year and a half) and pretend that it will be better to go when the theater is empty.  right? :)