i am not enough

i am insecure. 

i wish i wasn't.  but i am.  my self-confidence is like a weeble wobble.

i wonder if i am clever enough . . . funny enough . . . cool enough. . . strong enough. . . kind enough. 

am i enough?

i am wondering if you might think i have it all together.  that my house looks picture perfect.  that my littles dress in cute clothes each day.  that we cuddle in forts every afternoon reading and learning.  that i have all these great ideas to repurpose clothing and make neat gifts and create pretty shoppe items.

please, please don't read me for those reasons.

i have closets that would be dangerous to open.  my floors haven't been mopped in over a month.  i yell at my kids.  sometimes i hide in the kitchen while they fight.  pajamas are worn for 48 hours straight.  i feel uncreative and unmotivated and wonder why i can't get my sewing machine tension right.  and yell at it too for good measure.  i miss birthdays.  we even eat frozen pizza.

not picture perfect.  that is reality.

but so is this. . . i try to make our home a sweet and lovely place for our family.  i want to make beautiful things from life's cast-offs.  i strive to create simple and satisfying projects.  i attempt to document this journey.

i long to be a better wife, mama, and homemaker.

i share these things with you. i hope to offer inspiration and encourage confidence.  i desire community.  i would love to see us embrace what we have been given.  to choose joy.  to find beauty.  in the every day, every hour, and every minute.

i tell my story.  a story of believing and following and stumbling and praying.  sometimes getting it right.  often messing things up.  that is what you will find here.

i am not enough.  not in the way that i will ever be the cleverest, funniest, coolest, strongest, or kindest.  i won't have the best house or most obedient children.  i won't be the greatest homeschooler or the most creative person.

and then i remember . . . i don't need to be.

because Christ is enough.

i remember that i am perfectly secure in Him.

i don't need to be enough.

and neither do you.

praying that our confidence won't be placed on a wobbly "self" but rooted in an unshakable God.