odds and ends

it seems mighty fitting that we just cut into the backyard watermelons harvested last month.  life doesn't seem to fit into the days allotted.  i need to be okay with the overflow from one season to the next.  but i also want to stop putting off for tomorrow what can be done today.  like cut the watermelon.

i don't know if the above makes complete sense.  but i do know that you might get it anyway.  right?

my business trip in cali was full and encouraging and so so quick.  then i came home to family of sickies.  thankfully it has passed and we now are back at it. 

as for today...

without being asked, the 8yo raked all of the backyard leaves and then proceeded to vacuum most of them up.  all by himself.  no help.  so cool.

without being asked, but with permission and minor supervision, the 3yo washed all of the non-glass dishes.   totally occupied for most of an hour.  those were some clean plates and flatware.  so so cool.

all of that while the 6yo became hooked on pentatonix and folded laundry.

i was kinda winning at the mama gig today.

if you don't count the littlest one throwing a huge fit at the dance studio and making me look like i don't parent well.  it is tiring to so often feel that vulnerable. and know that others probably won't get us.  i have developed so much compassion as a special needs mama.  it is truly a gift.  limited experience blinds us to the complicated and messy and there-is-no-book-for-this.

Lord have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways.

and show me the ways i should train up my little harts amidst the complicated and messy.  and You actually have written a book for that.

returning to my roots

hello blog.

can we get reacquainted this month?

i think i'd like to come back. not for pins or stats, but because i began this project five and a half years ago as a personal documentation of life as annalea.  in my own words...

my hope is that our family and friends will be able to experience life with us. i want you all to hear the funny stories, to see the sweet smiles, and to laugh at my frequent failures. i also love the opportunity to reflect on being a mama. i don't want this time in my life to fly by without taking a moment to pause. i won't get it all, but one day in the future i want to look back at this record of my life and remember that between the diaper changes, feedings, and temper tantrums, my children were shaping me just as much as we were praying to shape them.

the focus has shifted to be less mama-focused. that is okay. those early parenting years can be all consuming. but my life is not only about being their mama and blogging helped me see that more clearly. i latched onto the tag line: joy choosing, beauty finding, story telling. oh does that so perfectly describe my heart.

but it was that perceived pressure to grow an audience, write on a schedule, and all that jazz that weighed me down. i'd like to return to my roots and blog just because. more of a journal and less of a professional platform. there are some fantastic blogs out there that handle that just fine. i read them. i love them. but i don't want to be one. that is not where i need to be right now.

so where am i?

as pictured above. . .

i am learning how to parent an autistic son. it is full of joy and heartache. and it often requires laughter at unexpected challenges.

i am turning to craft-therapy when life is overwhelming. i am thankful for the gift of creativity from the Creator.

i am dealing with month long illness, passing from one of us to the next. right now, i am curled up on the couch with flu-ishness. yuck.

i am working on making this new-to-us rental house a home. gia's sweet space is complete and it makes me smile.  

i am taking on a new job that required me to fly away for training last week. a sweet benefit was meeting in person lovely blog friends, heather and kate. our nearly 6 hour conversation helped me find my voice again. love you ladies!

i am sipping lots of cups o' comfort.  ginger-honey-lemon is my current fave to help the sore throat and a heavy heart.  my prayer is He would be made greater in all of our struggles.

for those of you have stuck out the past nine months with me, thank you.

xoxo,

annalea

home(sick) for the holidays

 

amidst the favorite-time-of-year thoughts, my heart is heavy.  i knew it would be hard.  not only are memories of our old life packed away with the christmas decorations, but unmet hopes and plans for a future that will not be.  i know we have been given much.  but i can still grieve for a life not willingly given up.  and that is where my problem lies.  i still see this move as a life not chosen.  i did not ask to be uprooted from people and a place we loved.  my soul still asks why.

but we are here.  and it is silly and unwise to let that question take up too much space.  time and new memories will continue to soften the loneliness.  until then, i need to remember that my home is not anywhere on this earth.  i do not belong here.  i am a stranger in a land that will not satisfy.  so homesickness will be a constant companion.  a reminder that there is something greater to come.   

but we are here.  so i gather pretties and i hock together inspiration.  this is what beauty finding and joy choosing in this not-my-home home looks like today.  pulling together bits and bobs to help me find my creative footing.  this is healing.

and i look to a song for the words that sing for my heart.  this advent poetry is doing the job mightily. 

a weary me rejoices.

odds and ends, brought to you from houston

hello dearies.
i am writing to you from my in-law's couch and i am feeling just swell.
for the next week, i plan on soaking in the rest of a bountiful life.

 a bit of my instagram feed from the last two weeks. . .

a bedside view to cheer me up.

these last few weeks have been a struggle.  the weight of the last six months has been pulling me down to such a state of discouragement.  i have been too focused on counting each loss, rather than recognizing all that has been given.  why do i forget?  i must remember that grief and joy can walk side by side.

i love our sabbath adventures.  a time reserved for slowing down and just being. 

taking a walk before church along the rio grande on a gorgeous fall morning was just as close to perfect as it gets.

when did my not yet 6yo daughter decide to look so grown up???
not cool.

another sabbath adventure. . . a short hike on a very cold sunday afternoon.
it really does get cold in new mexico!

we finally traded in my nearly 4yr old phone of average intelligence for this beauty. 

my husband is awesome.  and hilarious.

a later start than expected for our 15 hour roadtrip because someone broke the garbage disposal at 10pm the night before.  yes, it was me.  i have learned my lesson!

now we are being spoiled by loved ones, reuniting with far away family, gearing up for a special wedding, excited to celebrate the enzo-boy's third birthday, and planning on a feast of yummy food while giving thanks for all.

i will practice the counting of gifts.
because counting losses is a guaranteed route to misery.
choose joy with me, friends.

yes, it will be a good week.

odds and ends

it's november!
i tend to be a bit sad when october ends.  these last months of the year go so fast.

my plan for the day is to shake the funk that has descended on my attitude over the last few days.

(i reread this post by my dear and wise friend for some needed truth.)

it is a struggle not to compare my life to others.  maybe my biggest struggle.

but i don't want to believe the lie that there is something better out there i could/should be doing.

i want to be here living out my roles with joy and peace.

on a side note, doesn't that above photo look like an album cover for some hip family band.

jesse and the rippers?  yes, i just made a full house reference.

here's another thing i have been thinking through

another struggle i'll come clean about.

i feel so uncool.  doesn't that sound very middle school of me?  but there is something about these beautiful, artsy, hip, and oh so lovely bloggers that make me feel inadequate.  let me say - it is not about these ladies - only my personal insecurities - that are the issue.

the only one i need to bring glory to is Him.

this i need to remember. 

we made it out of the corn maze even with these three in the lead.

maybe because after the confused-we're-lost-moments halfway through, the adults took over.

her first braid crown.  i am actually really good at styling hair, which may sound fun considering how much gia has. but considering her coarse and curly texture, we tend to avoid anything complicated.  for her poor scalp and my poor sanity.  sometimes though, we take a chance.  and lots of detangler.

methinks there are never enough green chiles.

carved on tuesday night and designed by the little harts.

and that post pumpkin carving cry is just real life.

oh my sweet-tiny big lion in his late night sugar coma.

i have some weighty, serious thoughts i'd like to put to words soon.

yesterday was our one year anniversary of luca's autism diagnosis.

when they stop swirling around in my head, i will be ready to give them a voice.

or maybe i shouldn't wait.  

because i have been kinda waiting for them to stop swirling for 12 months.

hmmmm. . .

well. . . happy friday, dear ones.

xoxo,

annalea

linking up at life rearranged.

odds and ends

a smattering of the last month of instagram and a smattering of end o' the week thoughts.

i think we've recently entered a new chapter in all this life change.  maybe it would be titled "there is light at the end of this tunnel".  i have a feeling we'll be here for a while, but it is much preferred to the "homesick and rootless" chapter.  that was pretty miserable and i felt terribly hopeless.  (little h not big H.)

on a side note, these sweet boots now adorn my feet most days.  aren't they beauties?
i am still getting used to calling that stuff on the ground dirt.

stages of moving
so busy you can't think
exhaustion and day to day survival
what an adventure!  kinda like a vacation!
oh wait, i need to get settled
homesick and rootless
there is light at the end of this tunnel

obviously this is a very scientific list.  i spent all of three minutes coming up with it.
(feel free to add your own stages in the comments.)

the last few months have been incredibly difficult on this guy.  so much new, when new is not easy.  we are seeing progress.  sweet, sweet progress.  sunday school is no longer torture for him (or us).  he is sitting through homeschool group class with much more ease.  and our reading lessons have had major breakthroughs.  all of this (and more) take a weight off my heart.  light at the end of tunnel, i tell you.

mmmm, cider donuts.

day 19 of the whole30 and we are going strong.  it is somewhat astonishing to me that i have gone this long without sugar, dairy, grains, and legumes.  more astonishing that i have cooked from scratch every meal for almost 3 weeks.  the hardest part has been keeping the kitchen clean.  for the most part it has been a disaster zone, but today it is finally tidy.  just in time for the weekend batch of bone broth to hit the stovetop.

also, i fit into clothes i haven't worn in over 5 years.  that is what i put in mind when the cravings get bad.

(fyi, those donuts were made and consumed the day before we began whole30!)

in true new mexican style, we bought our bushel of roasted green chiles from the farm stand down the street.

are there ever enough hot air balloon photos?
we are missing the daily colorful distractions now that fiesta is over.

this tiny-big guy is almost three!  and he is more of a handful than ever.  seriously, pray for our parenting here.
he tells stories that are utterly adorable.  hard to understand but oh so sweet.  i'll have to record one soon. 

and this little lady is a true delight.

time to finish halloween costumes, give a spelling test, and unpack another box or two.

(unpacking is slow going.  we are down to those random boxes that i am tempted to toss in their entirety.  drawers and shelves of miscellany were emptied in the rush to pack up the old house.  but i am making my way through them, thanks to the help of netflix.)

happy friday, friends!
xoxo,
annalea

zion

 

zion

2002-2012

we said goodbye to our kitty of ten years on friday afternoon.

it was all so sudden - a less than 48 hour whirlwind - and it hit our tender hearted family hard. 

she and i spent much of her last day sunning ourselves on the living room carpet.  i didn't dare move far, since she attempted to pitifully hobble after me if so.  seeing her that weak was terrible, yet making the decision to end her life and suffering was so so hard.

zionesse, you were a sweet dear pet.  i'm thankful for the years of companionship and snuggles.  brother-cat flaco has taken your place by my feet at night.  i think the two of us miss you the most.

odds and ends

• fall brings out my urge to nest.  (every year.)  so does living in a new house.  this combination has me spending my in-between moments staring at walls and rearranging shelves.  i should finish unpacking.  but this is soul food.
• i will be filling up on soul food this weekend.  and actual yummy food from the state fair.
• above is my new favorite wall.  fruit botanicals and polka dot washi tape?  yes and thank you.
• enzo now does this cute thing where he asks, "dis name?" everytime he wants to know what something is called.  love it.
• which is a good thing, because his dennis the menace act is in full force.  oh we are feeling the effects of no formal occupational therapy for the last 9 weeks.  i'm pretty good, but definitely not a professional.  
• i recently read through this series.  this post just made so much sense to me.  luca hasn't found his translators here yet.  this makes things like attending sunday school at church and hiring a babysitter near impossible.  with time, i remind myself, with time. . .
•  this is a fantabulous time of year to live in new mexico.  the smell of roasting green chiles greets you all over.  the mornings are crisp and bright, begging for big sweaters and hot chai.  but layers are a must because it heats up and bakes the ground each afternoon, calling for sundresses and sweet tea.  and the hot air balloons!
• i am 33 years old,ve been married for 12 years, and have been a mama for 8, but buying new pots and pans made me feel very grown up this week.  my grandma will be so proud that we are rid of the junky mismatched and dented collection.  
• when on the plane back from our recon mission in june, my requests for moving here were new cookware and cowboy boots.  the carrots to be dangled in front of me when i was near exhaustion from the craziness.  i am still waiting on the cowboy boots, jesse.
• did you catch my monthly contributor post at beautifully rooted?  how about ruth's?  He is working all things out.
• don't forget the shabby apple giveaway open until sunday night.
• tonight is pizza-movie night at casita hart.  yay for a nice end to a long week.  and for star wars.  and black olives.

happy weekending, friends.

xoxo,

annalea