saying goodbye to clover

just last week, luca was asked what made him happiest in the whole wide world.  

"clover, my hamster," he answered without delay.

this sweet black bear hamster has been luca's favorite of favorites for the past two years. clover was his happy place and a source of constant comfort.  it was recommended that a pet might be therapeutic for autism and anxiety. boy, was that right. clover was an important part of our daily life and our family functioning. and yesterday we had to say goodbye.

 

i would never have guessed it would be so sad! and that drawing above just brings tears to my eyes. this little rodent will always hold such a special place in our memory. he was truly a gift of peace in a tumultuous time.

how good is the provision of opportunities to help our children walk through healthy grief in the small stuff! because the big is inevitable. i am grateful for a safe home. and knowing love that is worth sadness.

we are oh so thankful for clover.

**********************
fyi: when i student taught in college, one of the lesson plans i wrote for my 4yo class was on dealing with the death of a pet.  i used the book i'll always love you by hans wilhelm and it was such a touching story to revisit this week with my own kiddos.   
xoxo, annalea

the practice of patience

here's the truth. we accomplished more homeschooling in the first month of 2013, than the previous 4 months combined. it had little to do with new year vigor. instead i attribute this january success to being further removed from the chaos of moving cross country with short notice. we were a bit out of our minds last fall. not that we are quite steady yet, but much closer to sanity for sure.

it is not unusual to find me in pjs on the couch earnestly praying for patience while coaching luca through reading and writing. he is such a bright kid. he knows his stuff and then some. but we have much anxiety to work through that 30 minute lessons drag on for hours. this is no joke. our commitment to homeschooling has been regularly challenged, but the calling remains the same.

i often hear mamas tell me that they do not have the patience for homeschooling. more than any other reason, this is what i am told in a "why i can't/don't/won't homeschool" discussion. seriously folks, i am not a patient person. ask my husband, my parents, my good friends. it is not natural for me. at all. and guess what? God has given me ample opportunities to refine this shortcoming through homeschooling. 

thank you, Father, for the daily practice of patience.

how to make a photo flip chart

this year we have been working on a healthy morning routine for luca.  starting his day off smoothly helps start our whole family's day off smoothly.  we know luca does well with visual cues and needed to incorporate them.  he is also a very literal kiddo.  generic symbols or stock photos confused and frustrated him.  last month i took the time to make a personalized photo flip chart.  this simple DIY has made a huge difference.
i began by choosing his must-do morning tasks - getting dressed, making his bed, eating breakfast, etc. - taking a representative photo of each.  then came cropping, printing and laminating each photo.  (i used a picasa collage.)  the laminated cards were hole punched and combined with a binder ring.  this ring is hung next to his bed, so he can grab it upon waking.

right now he has nine tasks on the ring.  we didn't suddenly spring these tasks on him.  they are age appropriate and have accumulated over months and years.  there was training involved in helping him learn the how of each task.  and when something begins to slip, we come alongside and retrain.

the ultimate goal is for him stay focused without needing my constant nagging reminding.  the flip chart also creates opportunities for increased independence.  we are giving luca the chance to take charge of his needs.  this is a great benefit.

this tool is also super helpful for me.  it frees me up to care for the littler ones.  too much multi-tasking makes me a cranky and stretched too thin mama.  i am still part of the process though.  yes, he does need encouragement to empty the dishwasher every.single.morning.  (that is okay.  we have a deal that as long as he doesn't complain, he earns screen time for later in the day.)  i love that i have confidence we are not missing anything key in the midst of the busy mornings.


instead of him choosing his favorite tasks first, then drudging through the others with less energy and enthusiasm, we mix the enjoyable with the not so enjoyable.  when he is dressed and the bed is made, he gets to come eat breakfast.  after brushing his teeth, he gets to feed the hamster.  he empties the dishwasher, then therapeutic listening while building legos or drawing.

my hope is to make morning flip charts for both gia and enzo soon.  this is by no means an asperger's specific tool.  but it has been extremely useful for our luca boy and we expect to add flip charts for other times of day as well.

but let me not get ahead of myself.
it is time to stop and celebrate.
finding something that works is cause for celebration indeed!

world autism awareness day

 

today is world autism awareness day.
april is autism awareness month.

i am much more aware this year than last.
life has forced it on me.

there are a hundred ways i could give autism a face.
there are stories and photos aplenty.
 here is one.

at casita hart, autism sometimes looks like a boy on a swing.
a skinny, yet strong seven year old boy pumping his legs back and forth.

in this moment, luca looks a lot like other kids.

you wouldn't know about the mega meltdown 2 hours earlier.
the kicking and screaming and spitting at the home improvement store.
the mama carrying him outside to keep him safe.
the papi sitting in the back of the van to calm him down.
the little sister playing and helping with her littler brother.

 i have been asked if we could have known at a younger age.
if there were signs we missed in toddlerhood.
if we could have been more aware.

these are great questions.
know the signs.

we went six years before even guessing this was part of our life.
i thought i knew what autism looked like.
for the most part, i did.
most of those checklists did not really apply to our son.

but my understanding was limited.
i did not (really) know what asperger's syndrome looked like.
i am learning.

that said, i do not think we could have known much earlier.
  because, for the most part, luca looks a lot like other kids.

and, odd as it sounds, that is what makes it so hard for me.

with 1 in 88 school aged children living with autism, you probably know someone on the spectrum.
go love on that family today.

on the day you turned seven

dear luca,

you are seven years old now.  seven!  it has been a gift to be your mama each and every day of your precious life.  a gift i don't deserve nor fully appreciate.  please be patient with me as i continue to figure out what i am doing.  because seven years is not nearly enough time.  the days have been long - oh so long - but the years are short.  with each birthday, i realize how much i still have to learn.

you were so tired this past saturday, my st. patrick's day baby.  since you were still recovering from a three day fever and still suffering from a yucky head cold, we aimed for a low-key birthday celebration.  there was the breakfast in bed and the opening of gifts, playing with clover and buying lumber for the tree fort.

but there was this beautiful moment earlier in the afternoon.  you asked me to watch you build a lego truck and i was completely drawn in.  your focus and passion were so intense.  i found myself overwhelmed with mama-love.  how is it you have such an effect on me? 

i attempted to decorate the back porch with crepe paper but the wind had other ideas.  you liked it anyway.  our family guests arrived and they are still figuring you out too.  (uncle cameron did not mean to scare you.)

as requested, we ordered your favorite pizza.  i am sorry you could only eat a few bites.  cake was strictly forbidden - you didn't even want to look at it - so we braved the custard cup right before a storm, watching the lightning streak across the sky.  then you announced you were going to bed and told us to finish up the party by ourselves. as long as we would be quiet.

the hard times are hard.  so much harder than we ever expected at this time in your short life.  to be honest, i am just as confused as you are most of the time.  but know this. . . 

i am so incredibly heart-bursting proud to call you my son.

love always and forever,

mama

some days are peaceful

some days are for pajamas and slippers.  they are for sitting (or standing) at his favorite desk.  maybe with his headphones on for a therapeutic listening program.  most likely with markers in hand and fresh white paper at the ready.  better yet if the sun is shining.

some days are for working through his fears calmly and with success.  they are for guiding him through a healthy routine.  maybe with smiles or laughter.  hopefully and prayerfully with smiles and laughter.

some days are peaceful.

but some days are chaotic and sad.  they are full of meltdowns and thrown toys.  maybe with screaming or hitting.  most likely with tears from all of us.

some days are exhausting and bring out the worst in my mothering.

today is one of those days.

but i can look back at these photos and remember the good.

i know there can be peace amidst the messy and difficult.  it is HARD to believe it some days.  i am praying for His comfort and wisdom while walking this path of special needs parenting.

a full heart

 

thank you.

your love and support pretty much rocked me.

i wrote the letter primarily to give future luca a small glimpse into my today heart.  a record of who he is.  memories to hold close and provide understanding. a bit of my love contained in words.

i also wrote it to give others a small glimpse at our reality.  i have been censoring many posts and tweets and status updates these past two months and it became increasingly difficult not to share.  this isn't a craft blog or homeschooling blog, but a my-life-as-annalea blog.  hence the whole blog name.  while aspergers is definitely part of luca's story, it is also mine.  much prayer went into what and how to share.  it came down to the fact that there is no shame here.  nothing to be embarrassed about.  labels aren't bad if used correctly.  i want to make that clear to my son as he grows.  he has been fearfully and wonderfully made.

and i know that by sharing our life, another's might be impacted.  i have read numerous stories over the past year that have given me insight and encouragement.  thank you to those who have shared.  my goal here was to be real and authentic, yet respectful and sensitive.

several of your comments mentioned how blessed luca was to have me as his mama.  man, did that feel like a punch to the gut.  so often i feel like a failure.  so often i lose my temper or become impatient or act out of selfishness.  i know i am imperfect.  amazing that grace, indeed.

all this to say. . .
i am blessed to have luca as my son.
i am blessed to have gia as my daughter.
i am blessed to have enzo as my son.
and i believe He can bless their lives through me.

and, once again, thank you.

Source: obyandtarabennett.blogspot.com via Annalea on Pinterest

you are still the same boy

dear luca,

you are an incredible boy.  INCREDIBLE, i say.  you are clever, creative, and sensitive.  oh so sensitive.  it is your superpower and your kryptonite.  i know the world seems harsh and sad.  thank you for the reminder not to turn callous and numb to the brokenness.  i see you growing up to be a wonderfully empathetic and nurturing man.  i pray you care fiercely all of your days.

right now, you are a lover of all things cute.  you want a cute little hamster so badly (and might even convince us to get one for your birthday).  you are a builder of legos and your imagination soars.  every time i open the freezer, i find your science experiments in the works.  you tell goofy jokes and sometimes they make sense.  but they always make me laugh.  your brother is your favorite person and your sister is your favorite playmate.  you like quiet days at home, green tea with honey and footie pajamas.  you hate sarcasm, scary things and being alone.  you love to talk and talk and talk some more.  you have so many ideas to share.  and goodness, you roll around the house on that scooter board as if training for the olympics.  i hope i don't break a limb next time it is left in the hallway.  you are my time-keeper.  you are my biggest helper.

these past few months have been life-changing for you, my son.  you began seeking answers and craving truth.  you made the decision to follow Christ!  it was such a sweet september afternoon.  your prayers filled my heart with thanks.  and celebrating with birthday cake for that gift of new life was quite a treat.

this fall was also pretty tough.  and that is an understatement.  what a confusing and exhausting year it had been!  we didn't know how to help you through the extreme emotions.  the sleepless nights and the rollercoaster days drained us.  they drained you.  it was awful watching you struggle and suffer.  beginning occupational therapy for your sensory issues helped.  but the anxiety continued to grow.  your papi and i were near desperate.

it was a tuesday in early november during your seventh year that a doctor gave us an answer.  not only are you all of the incredible, wonderful, beautiful things written above (and more!), but you are also a boy with asperger's syndrome.  you are still the same boy.  a child of God and a light in our life.  the firstborn gift that we loved before that day, before this year, before we even held you in our arms.  the diagnosis does not define you or change you.  it will hopefully help us better understand you.

but you are still the same boy.

papi and i will work hard to get answers.  we have many decisions to make.  it will not be easy.  it will definitely be messy.  yes, we have made a lot of mistakes.  please continue to forgive us as we learn to be better parents for you.  as a family, we will choose joy and find beauty.  we don't know what the future will hold.  or what it won't.  what we do know, without a doubt, is that for this we have Jesus.  

and that is enough.

love you for always, so much it often hurts,

mama