if you know me in real life, i am not sure if that would ring true to you or just make you laugh. but it *is* true. perfectionism is sneaky. it doesn't always look like everything in its place, polished, and looking just so. sometimes it looks like procrastinating for fear that everything will not be in its place, polished, and looking just so.
it was one of those weeks. we had a great big scare. jesse worked a lot. enzo had a fever of 104 most of wednesday afternoon and night. baby boy was also a major crankerstein all of yesterday (but he had a hard week, so we are excusing this abnormality).
then there was the need to get ready for homeschool.
and, sadly, i fell off the wagon.
i have been stressin' all day about wanting the *perfect* start on monday for homeschool. making my lesson plans the bestest thing this side of the mississippi. (but even then, i would prefer bestest on the continent.) and then, our first day celebrations need to be perfect traditions we will want to carry on for years.
what? when did this crazy lady come to live in my body? why on earth would i put that pressure on myself?
so now i am back in recovery and replacing perfectionism with the pursuit of excellence. i will be faithful in the tasks God has given me. i will give my best and not grow weary of doing good.
any other addicts out there? i *know* i am not the only one.
6 comments:
I am SO there with you! Monday was our very first homeschool day ever! I was crazy obsessed with everything being perfect as well. Thankfully, throughout the week I felt myself RELAX. We found our groove and I am happy to say we sailed through with only a few tiny bumps. Which mainly was my 9 year old's attitude. I look forward to reading about your adventures in homeschooling and will pray for peace and sanity!
oh my goodness. so i have a 2 year old and an 8 month old... but still, i feel like YOU ARE MY TWIN! it seems like when you're having a rough day with your kiddos, i'm having a rough day with MY kiddos, when you have piles of things to do, i have piles of things to do, when you are stressing about things being perfect I am stressing about things being perfect! But that last paragraph is SOO true, we can only do our best. and God (and our kiddos) will love us just the same! :) Thanks for the reminder, and the boost :D
BTW- i think you're doing a pretty awesome job with those 3 cuties! :)
i know exactly how you feel! i do the same thing, too, and i am so hard on myself when i don't do everything perfectly. here's a verse that has brought me great encouragement:
"The Lord shall gently lead those that are with young..." Isaiah 40:11
He sees where you are right now, and he has given you grace and he understands all that you have to do right now with all your little ones! receive His grace and His gentle lead right now in your life. it's available to you!
blessings,
lora
Annalea, thanks for sharing. It's good to hear other people admit they fail in being perfect. I'm not sure why I continue to reinstate this goal, but I do, and it's not helpful or healthy.
I frequently feel driven by anxiety over my inadequacies. However, I've been reading an excellent book, 'Addiction and Grace,' and from it I've pulled a wonderful quote that is like salve for my aching, chaotic heart:
"If we do not fill our minds with guilt and self recriminations, we can recognize our incompleteness as a kind of spaciousness into which we can welcome true flow of grace. We can think of our inadequacies as terrible defects - if we want - and hate ourselves. But we can also think of them affirmatively, as doorways through which the power of grace can enter our lives. Then we may begin to appreciate our inherent, God-given loveableness."
OMG, I can so relate in so many ways. You are not alone and I thought I was crazy, because I feel like everything must be perfect, but nothing really "looks" like I feel that way. So, its nice to know that I am not alone.
I just love your blog and you are doing an amazing job.
Misti, TX
totally with you, friend. I spend more time trying to have it all together, or wishing I had it all together, or figuring out ways to have it more together than should ever be spent on this... ever!
you hit the nail on the head when you said you are going to refocus on pursuing excellence instead of perfection... and isn't it reassuring that excellence in the sight of the Lord is a totally different kind of excellence than we'd choose left to our own devices?
thanks for the reminder!
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